My Grandmother's House by Kamala Das summary and analysis

 

There is a house now far away where once
I received love……. That woman died,
The house withdrew into silence, snakes moved
Among books, I was then too young
To read, and my blood turned cold like the moon
How often I think of going
There, to peer through blind eyes of windows or
Just listen to the frozen air,
Or in wild despair, pick an armful of
Darkness to bring it here to lie
Behind my bedroom door like a brooding
Dog…you cannot believe, darling,
Can you, that I lived in such a house and
Was proud, and loved…. I who have lost
My way and beg now at strangers' doors to
Receive love, at least in small change?

 

The speaker introduces the central location of the poem, her grandmother's house, which is now distant both physically and emotionally. She reflects on the past when she received love in her grandmother's house, but now that her grandmother has died, that love is no longer available. With the absence of love and the death of the grandmother, the house becomes silent and desolate. The imagery of snakes suggests darkness and decay encroaching upon the once lively home.

The speaker's blood turning cold like the moon metaphorically conveys her emotional detachment and numbness in response to the loss of love and the silence of the house. The speaker expresses her frequent desire to return to her grandmother's house, to revisit memories and emotions associated with it. She imagines herself peering through the windows of the house, longing to reconnect with the past and the love she once felt there. The speaker imagines listening to the silence and emptiness of the house, where the air feels frozen and devoid of warmth.

The speaker contemplates bringing the darkness of her past to her present home, perhaps as a way to confront and reconcile with her emotions. The darkness is compared to a brooding dog, suggesting a sense of unease and discomfort. The speaker addresses someone affectionately, expressing disbelief that they could imagine her living in such darkness and despair.

She questions whether the listener can believe that she once lived in a house filled with love and pride, contrasting with her current state of longing and desperation.The speaker reflects on her past feelings of pride and love, which have now been replaced by a sense of loss and loneliness.

She acknowledges her current state of wandering and desperation, begging for love from strangers due to her loss of direction and connection. The poem concludes with the speaker's plea for even a small amount of love or affection, emphasizing her profound sense of longing and alienation.

My Grandmother's House by Kamala Das is a deeply introspective and emotionally charged poem that explores themes of loss, nostalgia, and the search for love and belonging.

The poem delves into the speaker's emotional turmoil following the death of her grandmother and the subsequent withdrawal of love from the house. The imagery of silence, snakes, and darkness conveys a sense of desolation and emptiness, reflecting the speaker's internal state of numbness and despair.

Through evocative language and imagery, the poem expresses the speaker's longing to revisit her grandmother's house, where she once experienced love and warmth. The recurring refrain of "There" emphasizes her desire to return to a time when she felt a sense of belonging and security.

The darkness mentioned in the poem symbolizes the speaker's emotional baggage and the unresolved feelings associated with her past. The poem juxtaposes the speaker's past experiences of pride and love in her grandmother's house with her current state of displacement and alienation. This contrast highlights the transformative impact of loss and the passage of time on one's sense of identity and belonging.

Throughout the poem, there is a palpable sense of desperation as the speaker reflects on her current state of wandering and longing for love. The metaphor of "begging now at strangers' doors to / Receive love" underscores her vulnerability and yearning for connection in the absence of familial ties.

The poem blurs the boundaries between memory and reality, as the speaker oscillates between nostalgic recollections of the past and the harsh realities of the present. This interplay underscores the subjective nature of memory and its role in shaping one's perception of self and identity.